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Post by Dean Cherry on Dec 8, 2004 6:38:07 GMT 10
 Raul,Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen. They were eating their packed lunches and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium." Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again. If I get a Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his death. > Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. > Beckham opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well. > At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!" > Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." > Everyone turned and stared at the skinny "singer" wearing oversized sun glasses and trailer trash trucker baseball cap. "Hey, don't look at me," said Posh, "David made his own lunch."  Sorry Couldn't resist.
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Post by MrCelery on Dec 8, 2004 21:46:13 GMT 10
Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
Sorry, I couldn't resist either! ;D
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striker9
New Recruit
best striker ever!
Posts: 4
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Post by striker9 on Dec 10, 2004 12:38:48 GMT 10
David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank,
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Beckham.
The receptionist replies..... "Well David, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker....".
Sorry, I couldn't resist either! ;D
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Post by Boswald on Dec 16, 2004 10:22:37 GMT 10
Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo are down at the local having a pint. Snow White tells the others that she has a magic mirror that talks and will give the answer to any question they ask.
Snow White asks the mirror: "Mirror, mirror from out of my handbag, who is the fairest of them all?" to which the mirror replies "You are Snow White"
She hands the mirror to Tom Thumb who asks: "Mirror, mirror from out of Snow White's handbag, who is the smallest of them all?" to which the mirror replies "You are Tom Thumb"
Quasimodo is feeling rather emabarrassed about the question which he intends to ask as he is incredibly ugly, so Snow White tells him to go into the corner and ask the mirror quietly and the promises that she and Tom Thumb won't be listening.
Quasimodo takes the mirror and goes into the next room. When he comes out he has a confused look on his face and asks "Who the f*** is Wayne Rooney?"
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Mariner05
New Recruit
Football gives meaning to life.
Posts: 23
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Post by Mariner05 on Dec 17, 2004 12:58:42 GMT 10
David Beckham was asked to give a speech to a function.
He walks up to the podium, clears his throat and confidently states "Well, their small, their white and my wife Posh loves em."
The crowd sits in silence staring at him, all a bit confused, when Posh enters the stage, walks up to David and whispers in his ear "David your here talk about tactics.....not tic tacs."
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Post by Jeff (LouMacari) on May 1, 2005 16:10:28 GMT 10
How many 'strikers' does it take to change a light bulb?...'
only 1....they just hang on to the bulb and the world revolves around THEM !
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Post by Fish on Jun 17, 2005 22:29:28 GMT 10
What would David Beckhams name be if he was a Spice Girl?
Waste of Spice
One more
Becks is celebrating 43 days 43 days he shouts
Posh enters and says what are you cheering about?
He says well Ive done this jigsaw in 43 days
Is that good honey
You bet it is it says 3-6 years on the box
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chelseagirl
State League player
We're football crazy we're football mad , football has taken over the wee bit sense we had :>)
Posts: 154
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Post by chelseagirl on Jun 18, 2005 9:43:29 GMT 10
I love them all thanks guys ;D
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Post by Fish on Jun 18, 2005 20:31:55 GMT 10
im a fan of Becks but there are so many jokes about him you have to post a few at least
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Post by MarinatorMum on Jun 25, 2005 21:41:24 GMT 10
heres one from effiee,
Q. Why cant Greeks play soccer ?
A. Because every time they get a corner they put a fish and chip shop on it.
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Post by DJ on Jul 17, 2005 21:32:11 GMT 10
OK here's 1...........a classic
There are 2 gay men, John and Paul, they are extreamly happy and have been with eachother for many years. Tragically Paul dies very suddenly leaving John very upset and with a funeral to organise!
Whilst making the plans he sits down with a friend who offers to help with the arrangements.
"OK so are you going to cremate him?" asks the friend
"No way I can't burn his body that would be awful" replies John
"So your going to bury him in a coffin are you?"
"No way I can't have all those insects crawling all over him"
"Well what do you want to do?" asks the friend
"I want to chop him up into little peices and make a wonderful curry out of him!" says John.
"Why the hell would you want to do that?" asks the friend
To which John says "I want to feel him dribble out my arse one more time!"
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Post by Grunta on Jul 18, 2005 9:16:24 GMT 10
thanks DJ, i WAS eating you know  |
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Post by DJ on Jul 18, 2005 14:38:28 GMT 10
I hope it wasn't a curry you were eating!
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marinermick
Moderator 
Coming to Bay 16 Soon
Posts: 8,657
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Post by marinermick on Jul 18, 2005 14:44:40 GMT 10
This one is for the dickhead who yelled out "What about Man United" Sat night:
A bloke on his way into work this morning came to a dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving."
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks:
"Excuse me Officer what's the hold up? "
The officer replies: " It's a Man Utd fan, he's just so depressed about losing the Premiership to Arsenal last season and again to Chelsea this season, being knocked out of Europe, losing in the FA Cup final, selling out to a yank and winning naff all after mouthing off all season, whilst Liverpool have won the European Cup. He's threatening to douse himself petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and his mates are all laughing at him. I'm walking around taking a collection for him."
" Oh really? " says the bloke " How much have you collected so far?".
" Only about a litre, but a lot of people are still siphoning. "
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Post by omni on Jul 18, 2005 14:57:11 GMT 10
HEHEHE, Good stuff!
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Post by LouMacari on Jul 18, 2005 15:14:40 GMT 10
That same 'dickhead' was the guy who cornered me at the end of the night to tell me that unless we get rid of the skull n bones from the banner etc. he wouldnt support us.
I said that its a shame we're gonna lose him,(ok, I lied!) but we'll pick up lots more because of it!
Dickhead, Dickhead.....
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kevrenor
Moderator
Keeping the 'surrounding regions' yellow since 2004 ... Be Mariners, be Yellow, be a Marinator!
Posts: 2,130
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Post by kevrenor on Jul 18, 2005 15:28:06 GMT 10
That same 'dickhead' was the guy who cornered me at the end of the night to tell me that unless we get rid of the skull n bones from the banner etc. he wouldnt support us. I said that its a shame we're gonna lose him,(ok, I lied!) but we'll pick up lots more because of it! Dickhead, Dickhead..... Well the lady with him bought a shirt ... so she is more discerning! lol |
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marinermick
Moderator
Coming to Bay 16 Soon
Posts: 8,657
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Post by marinermick on Jul 18, 2005 15:29:52 GMT 10
That same 'dickhead' was the guy who cornered me at the end of the night to tell me that unless we get rid of the skull n bones from the banner etc. he wouldnt support us. I said that its a shame we're gonna lose him,(ok, I lied!) but we'll pick up lots more because of it! Dickhead, Dickhead..... Well the lady with him bought a shirt ... so she is more discerning! lol with pirate themed logo on the front hahahaha |
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Post by omni on Jul 18, 2005 16:08:04 GMT 10
That's pathetic, ManU's logo is a devil, a freaking Devil, can't get much more evil than that! If you stop supporting us for something like that you know what two words we have for you!
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Post by LouMacari on Jul 18, 2005 16:16:35 GMT 10
I said to Karen, I'm not sure whether or not he was slightly 'autistic'? either that or well pissed! ( and I think the latter!)
Maybe the lady with him was marinatormum?
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Raul,Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen. They were eating their packed lunches and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium." 
Sorry Couldn't resist. 
