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Post by melsyp on Sept 23, 2005 16:26:13 GMT 10
anyone got any funny jokes etc i'm very bored and i need some help to get through the arvo  |
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marinermick
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Post by marinermick on Sept 23, 2005 16:28:27 GMT 10
anyone got any funny jokes etc i'm very bored and i need some help to get through the arvo agreed, this afternoon has gone soooooooo slow Q: what do you call a fly with no wings? A: a walk |
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Post by melsyp on Sept 23, 2005 16:35:15 GMT 10
LOL
I like it, i just sent you an email as i did not no how to insert it in here let me know what you think.
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 16:35:47 GMT 10
that was bad MM....
maybe should have been in Worst Jokes thread....
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''
''No, I guess not,'' says God.
The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.
Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''
To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 16:39:36 GMT 10
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
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Post by DJ on Sept 23, 2005 16:41:42 GMT 10
I remember the first time I heard a footy commentator say 'he took him from behind', made me chuckle when I was 13 anyway!
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Post by melsyp on Sept 23, 2005 16:41:52 GMT 10
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THAT MANY NON-LIVING THINGS HAVE A GENDER.
FOR EXAMPLE ......
1. FREEZER BAGS:
HEY ARE MALE, BECAUSE THEY HOLD EVERYTHING IN, BUT YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH THEM.
2. COPIERS:
THEY ARE FEMALE, BECAUSE ONCE TURNED OFF, IT TAKES AWHILE TO WARM THEM
UP AGAIN. IT'S AN EFFECTIVE REPRODUCTIVE DEVICE IF THE RIGHT BUTTONS
AREPUSHED, BUT CAN WREAK HAVOC IF THE WRONG BUTTONS ARE PUSHED.
3. TYRES:
THEY ARE MALE, BECAUSE IT GOES BALD AND ITS OFTEN OVER-INFLATED.
4. HOT AIR BALLOON:
MALE, BECAUSE TO GET IT TO GO ANYWHERE, YOU HAVE TO LIGHT A FIRE UNDER
IT, AND OF COURSE, THERE'S THE HOT AIR PART.
5. SPONGES:
FEMALE BECAUSE THEY'RE SOFT, SQUEEZABLE AND RETAIN WATER.
6. WEB PAGE:
FEMALE, BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS GETTING HIT ON.
7. SUBWAY:
MALE, BECAUSE IT USES THE SAME OLD LINES TO PICK PEOPLE UP.
8. HOURGLASS:
FEMALE, BECAUSE OVER TIME, THE WEIGHT SHIFTS TO THE BOTTOM.
9. HAMMER:
MALE, BECAUSE IT HASN'T CHANGED MUCH OVER THE LAST 500 YEARS BUT IT'S
HANDY TO HAVE AROUND.
10. REMOTE CONTROL:
FEMALE - HA! YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE MALE BUT CONSIDER THIS - IT GIVES A
MAN PLEASURE, HE'D BE LOST WITHOUT IT, AND WHILE HE DOESN'T ALWAYS
KNOW THE RIGHT BUTTONS TO PUSH, HE KEEPS TRYING.
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marinermick
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Post by marinermick on Sept 23, 2005 16:43:30 GMT 10
LOL I like it, i just sent you an email as i did not no how to insert it in here let me know what you think. got it ta the chicken splattered in the window - great |
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 16:44:05 GMT 10
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 16:44:38 GMT 10
can we tell i'm bored.....? listening to Lionel Richie and surfing the net. What a job.
only 1 week left
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Post by melsyp on Sept 23, 2005 16:45:45 GMT 10
When I got home from work last night, my wife demanded that I take her out
to some place expensive.......
So I took her to a petrol station!
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marinermick
Moderator
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Post by marinermick on Sept 23, 2005 16:46:39 GMT 10
can we tell i'm bored.....? listening to Lionel Richie and surfing the net. What a job. great stuff - lionel richie |
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marinermick
Moderator
Coming to Bay 16 Soon
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Post by marinermick on Sept 23, 2005 16:47:35 GMT 10
When I got home from work last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive....... So I took her to a petrol station! Well, my wife demanded me to take her somewhere she hasn't been before. I said how 'bout the kitchen |
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 16:48:52 GMT 10
i love lionel richie. when i was a kid, mom had everything of his on vinyl and we'd listen together. i wanted to get his cd again (soppy memories) and Paul o'grady reminded me about him. Lucked out, it started playing when i went to buy it (omen) and it was half price for the double cd collection... bonus!
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 16:51:23 GMT 10
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.''
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Post by DJ on Sept 23, 2005 16:54:25 GMT 10
Whats the best thing about a blowjob?
10 minutes of silence!
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 16:55:34 GMT 10
DJ naughty naughty ;D
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Post by melsyp on Sept 23, 2005 16:59:42 GMT 10
DJ i like it ;D ;D
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Post by MsCanada on Sept 23, 2005 17:03:06 GMT 10
True Football Fan
Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."
"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.
He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."
(and that's all she wronte until tomorrow...)
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