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Post by NOMESSSS. on Mar 13, 2006 13:55:39 GMT 10
here are some for u DJ:
1.How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
2.What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
3.What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
4.What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
5.Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
6.Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
7.Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs
8.Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them
I could think of millions and millions of reasons why boys are losers..but i have a life lol
YOUR NOT GOING TO WIN THIS..
GAME ONNNNNNNN
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Post by DJ on Mar 13, 2006 15:18:05 GMT 10
Ok game on nomes............... ;D
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Iron this."
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Post by DJ on Mar 13, 2006 15:21:43 GMT 10
and one more..............
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say, 'nothing' . . . know how to make them truly happy . . ." The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?
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Post by DJ on Mar 13, 2006 15:22:27 GMT 10
and 1 of my favourites  A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For One 1 16oz can of Miller Lite The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?" The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?" He replies, "Because you're ugly." |
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Post by brett on Mar 13, 2006 15:47:41 GMT 10
haha game on! more like
Iron this = Game
Bridge = Set
and
Ugly = Match.
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Post by pom pom on Mar 13, 2006 16:50:55 GMT 10
you guys suck dogs balls
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Post by pipray on Mar 13, 2006 17:09:48 GMT 10
Gotta admit they made me laugh!  |
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Post by pipray on Mar 13, 2006 17:16:54 GMT 10
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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Post by pom pom on Mar 13, 2006 19:06:28 GMT 10
thats the best fairy ever.....haha.
sorry girls but i just couldnt go past this one:
A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
“This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?”
The woman agreed.
“Then I sentence you to six nights in jail.”
The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, “Your honor, may I approach the bench?”
“Well,” said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench.”
The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he whispered, “She also stole a can of peas.”
and this one:
A man and a woman, who have never met before, but who are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a totally booked transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly. He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At around 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am. I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea", she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow, that's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"Good", she replied. "Get your own damned blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted
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Post by lilkwasnik on Mar 13, 2006 19:32:31 GMT 10
how koool are kangaroos?? they are an australia mammal they are only mammals cause they have a pouch and carry there joeys in them..well i think so anyways.. hey pom pom do yoyu think kangaroos are kool?
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Post by pom pom on Mar 13, 2006 19:36:36 GMT 10
they are kool leah
i just thought do females only have pouches to carry their young or do males have them too. probly only females cause males are so slack......lol...joke
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Post by lilkwasnik on Mar 13, 2006 19:50:23 GMT 10
lol hahahahah good one well my lil kagaroo has a pouch! hes so gawjuzz!
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Post by NOMESSSS. on Mar 14, 2006 12:07:49 GMT 10
what is wrong with u leah kwasnik?did u hitt ur heaD?
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Post by pipray on Mar 14, 2006 15:04:27 GMT 10
You are s'pose to be on the girls side pom pom!
Here's some more:
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
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Post by pom pom on Mar 14, 2006 17:31:05 GMT 10
sorry pipray......i just had to ;D
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Post by lilkwasnik on Mar 14, 2006 19:07:02 GMT 10
what is wrong with u leah kwasnik?did u hitt ur heaD? no but this morning i had alot of sugar ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by lilkwasnik on Mar 14, 2006 21:10:22 GMT 10
girls are sexy made out of pepsi boys are rotton made out of cotton lol
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Post by Farthing on Mar 14, 2006 21:13:16 GMT 10
girls are sexy made out of pepsi boys are rotton made out of cotton lol Well pepsi tastes like crap, coke is better. Pipray i might be a guy but those made me laugh so hard |
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Post by lilkwasnik on Mar 14, 2006 21:18:35 GMT 10
pepsi and coke are totaly the same just different wrapping and pepsi is like not as sugary..
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Post by NOMESSSS. on Mar 14, 2006 21:19:15 GMT 10
well done pipray that was funny shitttt.
leah ur a sico..
GIRLS ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN BOYS.THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT.MOST OF US COULD SMASH U AT SOCCER TOO.
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