VOTED BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2007

[alicia]

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed
bicycle. His father said,

"Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase.

So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Joe told him;
"I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike

[Merrinator]

I also liked these and don't believe Auburn I am not 62 (or anywhere near it) no matter what he says.

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

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After putting her grandchildren to bed for a sleepover, a grandmother washed off her makeup, changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and began to color her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say in a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

[kevrenor]

Read warning above the link to this board! Then if not a child or prude read on ...

A radio station in Ireland ran a phone-in competition to find the Most embarrassing moment in listener's lives.

The final four were:

4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to Release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck! I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, 'if you don't let me go right now, I'll tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's Willie last night. After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my Daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door shut behind me were screams of laughter.

3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my Girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed After making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a Piggy-back ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family - Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot In
a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.

2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got to the checkout, she learned that one of The items had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'PRICE CHECK FOR TAMPAX SUPERSIZE'. But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for the 'Thumbtacks', and replied in a business like tone, his voice booming over the same public address system: 'Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you belt in with a hammer?'

1st Place
And the winner is:.
This happened at a major Irish University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the High glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there Is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?' The professor responded, 'yes, that's correct', adding some statistical data to his
lecture. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books and without another word, walked out of the class and never returned. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he
answered her question: "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat".

[LeedsMariner#4]

[Effin' and jeffin]

very funny....