Post by dibo (pron. "DIB-OH") on Mar 2, 2006 14:45:26 GMT 10
Self-loathing strikes the King's Road Loadsamoneys
Simon Hattenstone
Wednesday March 1, 2006
The Guardian
There is a new breed of football fan trolling round town, half peacock, half cowed apologist. The peacock talks about the Premiership titles, the money, the arrival of Eto'o or Ballack or God if he turns out to have two decent feet. The cowed apologist mutters that, of course it's great to be winning, but it wasn't meant to be like this.
Mike is a diehard Chelsea fan. Season ticket, away matches, the lot. A few weeks ago he muttered that he wasn't going to the FA Cup replay against Everton - he couldn't afford it for one, and (the mutter now barely audible) he quite fancied a break. Mike, a man of boundless energy and optimism, sounded weary. "Everybody thinks it must be fantastic, but it's not all wine and roses," he said elliptically.
A couple of nights ago in the pub I was chatting with a friend about Chelsea - how the stakes were now so high that they could win the Premiership title by a mile and still have an unsuccessful season. Mid-sentence I got a tap on my shoulder. "I heard what you were saying," said a big bloke who looked as if he'd win any arm-wrestling competition down the Shed. "I'm a Chelsea fan." Great. Here we go. I waited for the headbutt. "I agree with everything you were saying, mate. Chelsea have given me no pleasure this season. Nothing. Zilch." He didn't want to talk about any number of functional 1-0 wins or Makelele's marshalling of his seven-man defence, he wanted to talk about Hudson and Osgood, Zola and Gullit, flair and romance down the King's Road, the glory years when they won the FA Cup and sod all else. The one thing he didn't want to talk about was modern Chelsea.
Steve, the fairest man I know, is also a Chelsea fan. He explains why they are no worse than Man United or Arsenal were, and tells me that everybody hates winning teams - that's just the Robin Hood way of the world.
Well, I say, I'm not so sure - United had so much home-grown talent and played the beautiful game, Arsenal played the even more beautiful game. By now Steve is not only nodding, he's helping me out, talking faster and faster. "They're like that Harry Enfield character Loadsamoney, flaunting it, rubbing our faces in it. We know football's become like that, but we don't want to be constantly reminded." Steve, like Mike and the arm wrestler, are on the verge of becoming self-haters.
At least, Chelsea self-haters won't find themselves short of fellow flagellators. Last week Barcelona's Lionel Messi said: "There are players here who hate Chelsea more than Real Madrid." More than Real Madrid! Now that is going some. The reaction to last week's defeat against Barcelona was astonishing. It felt as if England had beaten Germany; as if Barcelona were both local club and underdog. Why? Because it was a victory for vision and adventure, a defeat for cynicism and conservatism.
So what has changed in a year to make Chelsea possibly the most despised club in the world? Yes, obviously, there's money - we came, we saw, we spent, as Caesar would have it. But Barcelona are also fabulously rich. So what else?
Mourinho. We always knew the Special One was narcissism personified, but he was witty with it. At least, he was while he had it all his own way. But now Chelsea have lost a few matches? He won't talk to the press, he makes pre-emptive excuses (before the Barcelona match he mentioned how many penalties they had won this season, and how many players had been sent off against them. The implication? They were cheats). After the match, in which Asier del Horno was sent off for fouling Messi, he waxed sarcastic about Messi's theatrics. (Pot, kettle, Arjen Robben anybody?) As for the disgraceful pitch that looked as if it would suit the hard men of Chelsea more than the Barcelona ball players? Last week, pre-match, it was fine. This week, post-match, it is being relaid. So no coincidence there, then?
None of this bothers Mourinho, of course. He is happy so long as they win. But for Boss Abramovich, it's a different matter. Sure he may have bought Chelsea as his plaything, but make no mistake he always wanted to turn it into the richest football club in the world. The latest Deloitte "rich list" put Real Madrid (with turnover of £186m) ahead of Man United in second (£166m), with Chelsea (£149m) in fifth. Why? Because they sell more shirts around the world. And why do Real Madrid and United sell more shirts than Chelsea? Simple. Because, despite all their detractors, over the decades they have wooed their fans with romance, history and thrilling football.
Simon Hattenstone
Wednesday March 1, 2006
The Guardian
There is a new breed of football fan trolling round town, half peacock, half cowed apologist. The peacock talks about the Premiership titles, the money, the arrival of Eto'o or Ballack or God if he turns out to have two decent feet. The cowed apologist mutters that, of course it's great to be winning, but it wasn't meant to be like this.
Mike is a diehard Chelsea fan. Season ticket, away matches, the lot. A few weeks ago he muttered that he wasn't going to the FA Cup replay against Everton - he couldn't afford it for one, and (the mutter now barely audible) he quite fancied a break. Mike, a man of boundless energy and optimism, sounded weary. "Everybody thinks it must be fantastic, but it's not all wine and roses," he said elliptically.
A couple of nights ago in the pub I was chatting with a friend about Chelsea - how the stakes were now so high that they could win the Premiership title by a mile and still have an unsuccessful season. Mid-sentence I got a tap on my shoulder. "I heard what you were saying," said a big bloke who looked as if he'd win any arm-wrestling competition down the Shed. "I'm a Chelsea fan." Great. Here we go. I waited for the headbutt. "I agree with everything you were saying, mate. Chelsea have given me no pleasure this season. Nothing. Zilch." He didn't want to talk about any number of functional 1-0 wins or Makelele's marshalling of his seven-man defence, he wanted to talk about Hudson and Osgood, Zola and Gullit, flair and romance down the King's Road, the glory years when they won the FA Cup and sod all else. The one thing he didn't want to talk about was modern Chelsea.
Steve, the fairest man I know, is also a Chelsea fan. He explains why they are no worse than Man United or Arsenal were, and tells me that everybody hates winning teams - that's just the Robin Hood way of the world.
Well, I say, I'm not so sure - United had so much home-grown talent and played the beautiful game, Arsenal played the even more beautiful game. By now Steve is not only nodding, he's helping me out, talking faster and faster. "They're like that Harry Enfield character Loadsamoney, flaunting it, rubbing our faces in it. We know football's become like that, but we don't want to be constantly reminded." Steve, like Mike and the arm wrestler, are on the verge of becoming self-haters.
At least, Chelsea self-haters won't find themselves short of fellow flagellators. Last week Barcelona's Lionel Messi said: "There are players here who hate Chelsea more than Real Madrid." More than Real Madrid! Now that is going some. The reaction to last week's defeat against Barcelona was astonishing. It felt as if England had beaten Germany; as if Barcelona were both local club and underdog. Why? Because it was a victory for vision and adventure, a defeat for cynicism and conservatism.
So what has changed in a year to make Chelsea possibly the most despised club in the world? Yes, obviously, there's money - we came, we saw, we spent, as Caesar would have it. But Barcelona are also fabulously rich. So what else?
Mourinho. We always knew the Special One was narcissism personified, but he was witty with it. At least, he was while he had it all his own way. But now Chelsea have lost a few matches? He won't talk to the press, he makes pre-emptive excuses (before the Barcelona match he mentioned how many penalties they had won this season, and how many players had been sent off against them. The implication? They were cheats). After the match, in which Asier del Horno was sent off for fouling Messi, he waxed sarcastic about Messi's theatrics. (Pot, kettle, Arjen Robben anybody?) As for the disgraceful pitch that looked as if it would suit the hard men of Chelsea more than the Barcelona ball players? Last week, pre-match, it was fine. This week, post-match, it is being relaid. So no coincidence there, then?
None of this bothers Mourinho, of course. He is happy so long as they win. But for Boss Abramovich, it's a different matter. Sure he may have bought Chelsea as his plaything, but make no mistake he always wanted to turn it into the richest football club in the world. The latest Deloitte "rich list" put Real Madrid (with turnover of £186m) ahead of Man United in second (£166m), with Chelsea (£149m) in fifth. Why? Because they sell more shirts around the world. And why do Real Madrid and United sell more shirts than Chelsea? Simple. Because, despite all their detractors, over the decades they have wooed their fans with romance, history and thrilling football.
