Post by Grunta on Mar 20, 2006 15:08:58 GMT 10
For anyone who hasnt read it yet....
Chuck Norris is so hardcore he is willing to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
We live in an expanding universe, all of it trying to get away from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can split an atom with his teeth. He will then outrun the resulting blast.
Superman once watched an episode of Texas Ranger and cried himself to sleep
Chuck norris skis uphill
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick
When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean
Chuck Norris doesn't use condoms, because nothing can protect you from Chuck Norris
The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second
Chuck Norris does not wake at the crack of dawn. The dawn cracks when Chuck Norris wakes...
Sega made an arcade game once where you fought Chuck Norris. Every time you put a quarter in, the screen immediately displayed "You Lose". It was Sega's most popular machine ever.
Chuck Norris does not age. He is the only thing in the universe that is exempted from the laws of space and time.This is how Chuck Norris went back in time and fathered himself
On a scale of 1 to 10, Chuck Norris kicks ass
The sun is 93 million miles away from the Earth, and it takes light 9 minutes to get here. It takes light 10 minutes to reach Chuck Norris, because it has to ask permission before illuminating him.
Chuck Norris bench presses gravity
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated
Scientists estimate that the energy given off in the big bang was equal to 1cnrhk (Chuck norris roundhouse kick)
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis
Everytime Chuck Norris hears the term ‘Virgin’ Mary he laughs out loud…enough said.
It used to be called the Tower of Pisa…until Chuck Norris decided to roundhouse kick the sh*t out of it
Chuck norris only needs one to tango
Chuck Norris has actually been dead for 20 years. Death is just too afraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris does not break wind. he destroys it.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
When taking the HSC, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 100.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris is so hardcore he is willing to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
We live in an expanding universe, all of it trying to get away from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can split an atom with his teeth. He will then outrun the resulting blast.
Superman once watched an episode of Texas Ranger and cried himself to sleep
Chuck norris skis uphill
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick
When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean
Chuck Norris doesn't use condoms, because nothing can protect you from Chuck Norris
The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second
Chuck Norris does not wake at the crack of dawn. The dawn cracks when Chuck Norris wakes...
Sega made an arcade game once where you fought Chuck Norris. Every time you put a quarter in, the screen immediately displayed "You Lose". It was Sega's most popular machine ever.
Chuck Norris does not age. He is the only thing in the universe that is exempted from the laws of space and time.This is how Chuck Norris went back in time and fathered himself
On a scale of 1 to 10, Chuck Norris kicks ass
The sun is 93 million miles away from the Earth, and it takes light 9 minutes to get here. It takes light 10 minutes to reach Chuck Norris, because it has to ask permission before illuminating him.
Chuck Norris bench presses gravity
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate
Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated
Scientists estimate that the energy given off in the big bang was equal to 1cnrhk (Chuck norris roundhouse kick)
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis
Everytime Chuck Norris hears the term ‘Virgin’ Mary he laughs out loud…enough said.
It used to be called the Tower of Pisa…until Chuck Norris decided to roundhouse kick the sh*t out of it
Chuck norris only needs one to tango
Chuck Norris has actually been dead for 20 years. Death is just too afraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris does not break wind. he destroys it.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
When taking the HSC, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 100.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
